Songbook Of My Heart
by E-san
Summary: Now reloaded and (hopefully) easier to read. I guess I *should* have done a third chaper but *shifty eyes* I'm just lazy
1. Believe

_So after all these one-night stands_

_You've ended up with heart in hand_

_A child alone, on your own_

_Retreating_

            Sephiroth pulled over slowly to the sodden figure on the curb.  He rolled down the window, allowing the heavy, pelting rain that came to Midgar's Plate to assault the black leather seats of his car.  He was more concerned about the drenched sixteen-year-old sobbing on the street corner.  "Zax," he called to the boy, "what's wrong?  Are you okay?"

            Zax looked up, tears and raindrops streaking across his wide, innocent face.  "I-" he began, "I caught-"  Here he stopped and continued sobbing.

            "Zax, get in the car."

            "What?"

            The silver-haired man reached over and opened the door of his car.  "Get in the car Zax."

            The sobbing raven-haired boy obligingly got up and plunked his drenched body into the passenger seat.  He watched the water from his saturated clothing drip down onto the immaculate black leather of the seat.  Wild violet eyes looked fearfully up at the general.

            "It's okay.  I care about you more than this car."  Sephiroth said as he began driving back to his apartment.  "Now, what happened?  I thought you and Aeris were going to...consumate your relationship tonight."

            Zax sniffed as he tried not to break down sobbing again.  "We- we were.  B-but when I-I got t-t-t-to her h-house, I-I caught her i-in bed with that l-litle blond bastard from the Shin-Ra army."  He explained, teeth chattering from the cold and causing him to stutter.

            "I- aw hell, there's nothing I can say to comfort you...."

            Zax sniffed and looked up at Sephiroth with his wide, innocent violet eyes.  "Please try."  He almost whimpered.

            "All right...let's see...I'm sorry."  He paused, now at loss for what to say.

_Regretful for the things you're not  
And all dreams you haven't got  
Without a home  
A heart of stone  
Lies bleeding_

            "It's not your fault."  Zax murmured.  "I...really loved her.  And I thought she loved me..."

            Sephiroth sighed as he pulled into the parking lot of his apartment complex.  "Come on.  You're staying with me tonight."  He said in a tone that bore absolutely no room for argument.

            Zax looked up at the silver-haired general of SOLDIER.  "But-"  He started to protest.

_And for all the roads you followed  
And for all you did not find  
And for all the things you had to leave behind_

            "I will not leave you alone when you're like this, Zax.  You're the best SOLDIER in Shin-Ra, next to me.  And, you're my only friend."  He added as he got out of the car.  Zax sighed as he hopped out of the car and followed Sephiroth.

            His friend?  Sephiroth considered him a friend?  Sephiroth had friends?

            The general led him up five flights of stairs, then swiped a keycard in the last door.  A click was heard, and Sephiroth opened the door, holding it for the teenager.

            Zax stepped into the apartment.  He had never been in the general's apartment before, and somehow this was exactly what he had expected of Sephiroth.  The carpet was silver and the furniture was black leather, and black curtains were pulled aside to reveal the energetic, all-lit-up-at-night city of Midgar.

_I am the way_

_I am the light_

_I am the dark inside the night_

            Sephiroth promptly grabbed Zax and dragged him down the hall, shoving him into the bathroom.  "Take a hot shower."  He instructed.  "I'll find you some dry clothes."

_I hear your hopes_

_I feel your dreams_

_And in the dark_

_I hear your screams_

            Zax sighed and turned the water on hot.  He stripped off his dripping clothes, depositing them on the floor.  They landed with a wet plop as he stepped into the steamy shower.

            Sephiroth rumaged through his closet until he found some clothes that would fit the sixteen-year-old SOLDIER.  He opened the bathroom door, which startled Zax a bit, and laid the clothes on the sink.  "Zax," he called into the shower, "would you like something to eat?"

            Zax pulled the shower curtain aside, revealing half of his muscular upper body, pale skin now slick and shiny with the water.  He peered at Sephiroth.  "What'd you say?"

            Sephiroth tried not to stare at the young man, finally locking his own glowing aquamarine eyes on Zax's violet ones.  "Would you like something to eat?"  He repeated.

            The teenager's face broke into a bright smile.  "Yeah that'd be great."  He said before going back to his shower.

_Don't turn away  
Just take my hand  
And when you make your final stand  
I'll be right there  
I'll never leave  
All I ask of you  
Believe_

            Sephiroth, after burning himself several times, had finally managed to create a halfway decent meal for the young man.  So what if it had involved going across the street to the 24-hour fast food joint?  He considered Zax well worth it.

            Zax stepped out of the shower, steam rising off of his pale skin as he dried himself with one of the dark green towels hanging there and pulled on the clothing Sephiroth had lent him.  It actually fit quite well.  He borrowed some of the general's hair gel to fix his raven locks and wandered out into the living room to find the silver-haired man.                                                                                                                   He found food in the dining room, but for the moment he was still looking for Sephiroth.  He found the general in the living room, shirtless as he practiced with his seven-foot katana.  Zax just stared, dark violet eyes locked on the silver-haired figure.  Sephiroth just exuded grace, calm, and control.  He could not even bring himself to tear his eyes away when the general turned to face him, lowering the Masamune to his side.

_Your childhood eyes were so intense  
While bartering your innocence  
For bits of string  
Grown-up wings  
You needed_

            "Zax."  The general stated with a slight smile.  "Your dinner's on the table."  He went back to practicing.                                                                                                                             Zax nodded dumbly.  "O-ok."  He stammered.  The teenager then returned to the dining room, seating himself as he pondered something he had somehow failed to notice until tonight.  "Sephiroth is beautiful," he murmured, "why the hell didn't I ever notice it before?  He's much better looking than Aeris."

_But when you had to add them up  
You found that they were not enough  
To get you in  
Pay for sins repeated_

            Zax had never been attracted to men.  That much, anyway.  A few experiences in Gongaga had proven him bisexual, but he usually went after women.  And Sephiroth, he was anything but.  The young man pondered this new feeling bitterly as he ate.  One, he was attracted to his commander.  Two, he was seven years younger than Sephiroth.  Three, Sephiroth had a reputation for being emotionless.  Of course, there were rumors about the general's past relationship with the leader of the Turks.  Zax shook his head.  Tseng was an emotionless bastard as well.

_And for all the years you borrowed  
And for all the tears you cried  
And for all the fears you had to keep inside_

_            Sephiroth came in and sat beside Zax just as he was finishing his meal.  He watched him for a few minutes, his expression unreadable.                                                                                                       "Am I sleeping on your couch?"  Zax asked him after being stared at until it made him fidget.   "Of course not."  Sephiroth replied matter-of-factly.  "You're sleeping in my room."              "Then you're sleeping on the couch?"  Zax asked, confused.                                                          Sephiroth chuckled softly.  "I'm worried about you, Zax, but I'm not sleeping on the couch for your sake."_

_I am the way  
I am the light  
I am the dark inside the night  
I hear your hopes  
I feel your dreams  
And in the dark  
I hear your screams  
Don't turn away  
Just take my hand  
And when you make your final stand  
I'll be right there  
I'll never leave  
And all I ask of you is  
Believe_

_            Zax gulped.  He knew Sephiroth did not have a guest room.  So then, the only other option was, "we're sharing the bed?"  He asked.  
            "Yes."  Sephiroth replied as though it was not something to worry about.                         "Why?"                                                                                                                         Sephiroth chuckled again.  "Go lay down on my couch and honestly tell me you could sleep there."  It was Zax's turn to chuckle.  "Point taken."                                                                          Sephiroth smiled softly, then stood up and started down the hallway.  "Shall we?"                 Zax gulped and followed him._

_I never wanted to know  
Never wanted to see  
I wasted my time  
Till time wasted me  
Never wanted to go  
Always wanted to stay  
'Cause the person I am  
Are the parts that I play  
So I plot and I plan  
Hope and I scheme  
To the lure of a night  
Filled with unfinished dreams  
And I'm holding on tight  
To a world gone astray  
As they charge me for years  
I can't pay_

            Sephiroth slept in nothing but his pants, and even though he had a rather large bed, it was hard not to touch him.  Sephiroth slept in nothing but his pants, and he expected the same from Zax.  Sephiroth and Zax slept in nothing but their pants, were sharing a bed, and Zax had just realized he was very very attracted to Sephiroth.  "Oh Holy Lifestream, oh Holy Lifestream."  He whimpered.                         Sephiroth looked up at him quizzicaly as he reached up to turn off the light.  "Are you okay, Zax?"

"I'm fine.  Really."                                                                                                 

           Sephiroth gave him a skeptical glance, the flicked off the light and burrowed beneath the covers.  "Goodnight, Zax."                                                                                                                "G-goodnight, Sephiroth."                                                                                                       "Are you sure you're okay?"                                                                                      "Yes."                                                                                                               

_I am the way  
I am the light  
I am the dark inside the night  
I hear your hopes  
I feel your dreams  
And in the dark  
I hear your screams_

            "This is about Aeris, isn't it?"                                                                                     Aeris?  Ha.  Well, it was better than telling him the truth.  "Yeah, it's about her."                           Zax froze in absolute shock as Sephiroth pulled him close.  "I'm sorry."                                      "I-i-it's o-okay."  Zax stuttered as he lay his head on Sephiroth's chest, breathing in his scent.  "It's not your fault, Sephiroth."  The general smelled wonderful.  Zax would never be able to describe it, so he continued drinking it in contentedly.      

_Don't turn away  
Just take my hand  
And when you make your final stand  
I'll be right there  
I'll never leave_

            "I know, but I still feel bad."  Sephiroth murmured as he ran his hands through Zax's spiky black hair.  "You used some of my hairgel, didn't you?"                                                                              "Yes....You're not mad, are you?"                                                                                     "Of course not."                                                                                                      

_And all I ask of you is  
Believe_

            Zax took a deep breath, completely enthralled by the way the general smelled.  He was very sleepy.  He took one last deep breath before falling asleep on the silver-haired man's chest.                  Sephiroth smiled as he watched his subordinate sleep on his chest.  He still ruffled the teenager's hair fondly.  Once he was sure Zax was asleep, he leaned down and whispered in his ear.  "I love you, Zax."  Then he sighed.  "And maybe someday I can make you believe it."

_Believe_


	2. Some Enchanted Evening

Raine:  Well, here's the second chapter of my fic, so enjoy!  And just so I get no flames, let me make one thing perfectly clear:  I LOVE TSENG!  HE ROCKS!  It's just that I started this Seph/Tseng fic on my laptop where he's an asshole, so . . . . . anyway, enjoy!

~*~*~*~*~*~__

_You may see a stranger,   
You may see a stranger   
Across a crowded room   
And somehow you know,_

_             Sephiroth sighed.  He absolutely hated Shin-Ra's parties.  Actually, he hated the fact that he was forced to attend.  The parties were perfectly fine without him there for a bunch of damned asinine hero-worshippers coming up and asking for his autograph, then making some insipid comment about him being left-handed. (AN:  I don't know if he really is; just go with me here.)                                                   As if on his thought's command, a little girl of no more than four came up and tugged on his arm.  "Mithter Theffiwoth?"  She lisped in a tiny voice.                                                                                 Sephiroth looked down at her, taking in the overly gaudy and terribly itchy-looking green party dress she was wearing.  "Yes?"  He asked impassively.                                                                  "May I pleathe have your autogwaph?"  She asked, holding out a piece of paper and a pen to him.            Sephiroth sighed and knelt beside her, taking the pen and paper as he swore this was the last person he was ever signing and autograph for.  "What's your name?"                                                 The little girl looked up at him with wide green eyes and smiled.  "Lucwecia."  She told him.            Sephiroth blinked and stared at her.  Lucrecia . . . Where had he heard that name before?  He shook his head, sighed, and turned his attention to the paper.  __Dear Lucrecia, I hope you're having fun at this party.  I know I'm not.  Love, Sephiroth.  He smiled and handed the paper back to Lucrecia.                      "Thankth Mithter Theffiwoth!"  She said, clutching the paper to her chest.  Then, on impulse, she leaned up and kissed him on the cheek before scampering back through the crowd to her mother.                   "How cute, General Theffiwoth!"  A voice from behind him rang out cheekily.                             Sephiroth stood and turned around, examining the young raven-haired boy behind him before he smiled.  "Zax."  He stated casually.  "What are you doing here?"                                                     Zax gulped.  He had been dreading this moment since he had left Sephiroth's apartment a month ago.  Without telling him of course.  For the past month he had done his best to avoid the general, but it was rather hard, being second in command and all.  This was the first time he had come face to face with the man since then.  He swallowed his fear and stared straight into his superior's aquamarine eyes.  "I came to apologize."  He replied.  Then, with a sigh and a spoonful of courage whose origin he would never know, added, "And to ask for a dance."                                                                                                 That made Sephiroth pause.  A dance?  "Sure," he sighed, "why not?"_

            "Really?"  Zax asked, puzzled by the response for a moment before he grabbed his superior's hand and dragged him to the dance floor.

_You know even then   
__That somewhere you'll see him   
Again and again.   
  
_

_            Once out on the dance floor, Zax stared at Sephiroth, looking a little lost.  The general looked at him and sighed.  "You don't know how to dance, do you?"_

            The boy fidgeted.  "Well, um . . . no."  He looked up at Sephiroth with his wide violet eyes.  "I was kinda hoping you did . . ."

            Sephiroth sighed but then smiled.  He took one of Zax's hands and placed it on his shoulder before placing his hand on the boy's hip and taking his other hand to lead with.  "Just follow me and you'll be fine."

            Zax complied, allowing his superior to guide him through the dance.  He was awkward at first and stepped on Sephiroth's feet several times, but after a few songs he got the hang of it.

_  
Some enchanted evening   
Someone may be laughin',   
You may hear him laughin'   
Across a crowded room_

_            After they had grown tired of dancing, Sephiroth and Zax retired to lean against a shadowed wall.  For awhile they talked and joked about as though nothing had ever happened, and both found they were actually having a good time in each other's company.  But inevitably the question came up._

            "Zax," Sephiroth asked cautiously as he sipped his drink.  "Why did you leave?"__

_   
And night after night,   
As strange as it seems   
The sound of his laughter   
Will sing in your dreams.   
  
_

            Zax's eyes widened.  _This is what he'd been dreading.  A month ago he had left Sephiroth's apartment before the general awoke.  He knew he would never be able to face Sephiroth in the morning; not with the way he felt about the man.  It was embarrassing!  He could not even think about the silver-haired man without his heart skipping a beat, and it only made it worse knowing that Sephiroth would never in a million years feel the same way.  Still, the boy could look into those Lifestream-colored eyes and drown forever there.  And yet he knew Sephiroth could never love him.  He probably had never known love in his entire life, being raised the way he was.  And who was Zax to try and make him feel?  He was afraid of being hurt again.  So he stared into the object of his adoration's aquamarine eyes and tried to think of something, __anything, that he could say.___

_  
Who can explain it?   
Who can tell you why?   
Fools give you reasons,   
Wise men never try. _

_            Sephiroth patiently stared into Zax's beautiful, rich violet eyes as he awaited his answer.  As he waited, he began to ponder.  He loved Zax.  More than he had ever loved Tseng.  Yes, that rumor was true, and it was something the general was not proud of.  But no matter how strongly he felt for the boy, he knew his feelings would never be mutual.  The boy was a child compared to him, and more than that he was straight.  The general knew that Zax still loved Aeris.  Just from the way he had talked of her.  __She has the most gorgeous green eyes you'll ever see, and the most perfect smile!  Sephiroth shook his head sadly.  Who was he, little more than an emotionless drone raised in a laboratory, to compete with that?  But he was not emotionless, was he?  Surely not, if he loved Zax as much as he did.  He shook his head to clear it and searched Zax's eyes for an answer.__  
  
Some enchanted evening   
When you find your true love,   
Across a crowded room,   
And fly to his side,   
And make him your own   
For all through your life you   
May dream all alone. _

            "I . . . . I, well,"  Zax began awkwardly.  He looked mournfully up at Sephiroth.  "I-I can't.  I can't tell you!  I'm sorry!"  He half yelled before shoving past Sephiroth and frantically bolting out of the main party room.  After recovering from the initial shock of this, he blundered through the darkened hallway before burtsing out of a pair of wide glass doors into the garden.  Here the boy sank down amidst the rose bushes, panting heavily and half-crying.

            Sephiroth reached out to stop the boy as he dashed past, but found that the shock of the whole thing had dulled his reflexes.  He watched Zax go and pondered a moment before he set down his daquiri and followed the teenager's path.

            He found Zax sitting in the garden, sobbing amidst the red rose bushes.  His face was scratched and his suit tattered by the thorns.  The teenager did not seen to notice.  He stared at some unidentifiable point in the distance and cried steadily, hugging his knees like a little boy.

            "Zax," Sephiroth whispered as he sat down beside the raven-haired youngster.  "What's wrong?"

            The boy did not answer, he focused on his point in space and did not even seem to notice his superior.  Sephiroth sighed and wrapped his arms around Zax's shoulders, drawing him close.  "Tell me.  Please."  He added the magic word almost like an afterthought as he gently traced the crimson slashes made by the rose thorns on the boy's alabaster skin.

            Zax sighed deeply and settled back into Sephiroth's embrace, leaning his head against the general's chest.  To his pleasant surprise, the silver-haired man still smelled as wonderful as he had a month ago.  Zax had thought he had forgotten that fragrance, but always it had lingered in the corner of his mind, calling to him like some forbidden sweet._  
  
Once you have found him,   
Never let him go._

_            "Sephiroth?"  Zax spoke the name cautiously, half of him not wanting a response.  He had to tell him.  He had to get this off of his chest, and Sephiroth deserved to know.  The boy was dreading it._

            "Yes?"  The general's deep, warm voice sounded right next to his ear.  Sephiroth had paused from his tender tracing of Zax's wounds to regard the boy with a mild air of curiosity.

            "Sephiroth . . . .I-I love you . . . . . ."  Zax managed with a minimal amount of awkwardness.  Then he squeezed his eyes shut as he felt his face grow hot.  How embarrassing this was.

            The general blinked.  Did he just _hear that?  Zax loved him?!  Eyes wide, he stared at the teenager in utter shock._

            Feeling his superior tense up, Zax immediately began sputtering out an apology.  "I-I-I'm so-"  He was abruptly cut off as he felt warm, soft, silken lips close over his own, forcing him to shut up.  After a moment, Sephiroth pulled away.  He and Zax stared at each other in a way that utter shock would be a severe understatement for a moment.  Then he took the teenager's hand in both of his own and kissed it gently.

            "I love you too, Zax."__

_  
Once you have found him,   
Never let him go! _

~*~*~*~*~*~

Raine:  Yay!  Chapter two is done!  By the way, I'm not going to make this a lemon.  I'm not old enough to read that stuff.  *shifty eyes*  But still, it'll be a wonderful fic just the same.  If you have any suggestions, feel free to E-mail me at OneManArmy22@yahoo.com.  E-san's email is the one in our profile.  Oh, and pleeeeeeaassseee review!  I love hearing what people think!  Thanks!


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